Today I am very thankful that it is not a year ago this time. We made it to 2 weeks at home, alone, and everyone was still alive. Well, I didn't feel alive, but I was...
We had ups and downs. Getting our hopes up when they finished one bottle feed. They needed to finish all 8 feeds. They were only getting 40 ml milk 8 times a day. We sometimes sat for almost an hour for them to just finish that 40 ml. I felt I could pull the hair out of my head when the nurse told me: "Don't worry, They'll get there". But, in the end, they got there...
At last after 5 tiring weeks, the doctor said the twins can come home. I had to sleep in hospital for one night, and the following day, we could take them home! We were so excited, we didn't want to tell anyone. We wanted to surprise them,
We packed everything, said goodbye to the nurses who now have become our family. We said good luck to all the other parents who had babies in NICU, assuring them that "They will get there".
And so we were home.
After the wonder birth of the twins, I was wheeled back to my room. The twins were taken to NICU as they only weighed 1.79kg and 1.75kg. Their AGPAR scores were 9/10 and 8/10 and they did not need any oxygen, so it was purely because of their weight. I started having more difficulty breathing. My husband called the nurses and they came to check my blood pressure. They walked out of the room calmly, but shortly after came back telling me that they were moving me to ICU for observation.
After that, everything became a bit cloudy. I remember a doctor coming to me while in ICU. He was cutting into my neck to add a central line and it burned like crazy. He tried to add another internal IV to my right arm but didn't manage to get a vain. He then found one in my right arm. I remember really struggling to breathe. It felt as if I had run a 100km. I don't run. Eventually my husband was allowed to come and see me. I had an oxygen mask on but was so tired, I don't know what he told me. All I can remember was how scared he looked. After he left a nurse came to me and told me how glad I can be that they had a CPAP machine otherwise they would have had to intubate me. Apparently I had Acute Respiratory Failure.
My OB/GYN came to visit me and looked even more worried than my husband did. He said I had contracted HELLP syndrome. If he waited any longer to get the girls out, I wouldn't have made it.
I spent the next four days in ICU without ever seeing the twins. I just heard that they were doing really well. They didn't need any support, but were being tube-fed. Nurses came to assist me with expressing. It was an excruciating task to get even the smallest little bit of the most important colostrum for the girls. My husband moved between ICU and NICU a few times a day. And obviously they were on the opposite ends of the hospital.
I saw the twins for the first time after their birth when they were 5 days old. It was an extremely painful and emotional moment for me. I felt like a failed mom because I could not be with them. I couldn't breast feed and I couldn't provide skin-on-skin. Those were the things that I wanted to do as soon as they were born...
We spent New Year 2015 between the girls' cribs. A new family tradition: Always being together on New Years.
It was okay to visit NICU the entire day after being discharged from ICU while I was still in hospital myself. When the twins were 10 days old, I was discharged from hospital. And thus began the exhausting journey to travel 30 km to the hospital everyday (without being able to drive myself), and sitting there to be with them.
After that, everything became a bit cloudy. I remember a doctor coming to me while in ICU. He was cutting into my neck to add a central line and it burned like crazy. He tried to add another internal IV to my right arm but didn't manage to get a vain. He then found one in my right arm. I remember really struggling to breathe. It felt as if I had run a 100km. I don't run. Eventually my husband was allowed to come and see me. I had an oxygen mask on but was so tired, I don't know what he told me. All I can remember was how scared he looked. After he left a nurse came to me and told me how glad I can be that they had a CPAP machine otherwise they would have had to intubate me. Apparently I had Acute Respiratory Failure.
My OB/GYN came to visit me and looked even more worried than my husband did. He said I had contracted HELLP syndrome. If he waited any longer to get the girls out, I wouldn't have made it.
I spent the next four days in ICU without ever seeing the twins. I just heard that they were doing really well. They didn't need any support, but were being tube-fed. Nurses came to assist me with expressing. It was an excruciating task to get even the smallest little bit of the most important colostrum for the girls. My husband moved between ICU and NICU a few times a day. And obviously they were on the opposite ends of the hospital.
I saw the twins for the first time after their birth when they were 5 days old. It was an extremely painful and emotional moment for me. I felt like a failed mom because I could not be with them. I couldn't breast feed and I couldn't provide skin-on-skin. Those were the things that I wanted to do as soon as they were born...
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| First time holding Rebekah |
We spent New Year 2015 between the girls' cribs. A new family tradition: Always being together on New Years.
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| New Years 2015 |
It was okay to visit NICU the entire day after being discharged from ICU while I was still in hospital myself. When the twins were 10 days old, I was discharged from hospital. And thus began the exhausting journey to travel 30 km to the hospital everyday (without being able to drive myself), and sitting there to be with them.
They were doing so well. They picked up weight, never needed oxygen, didn't have apnea or anything that normally happens to preemies. They just needed to start drinking on their own. We started understanding the language that the nurses spoke. All the medical terms. We understood the charts and could even pick up mistakes. The nurses were wonderful! Always willing to assist with a nappy change or a latching problem.
Every time a Pediatrician would do rounds, we would anxiously wait for the okay. That we can take the girls home. But alas, always a "Maybe next week" or "Just a few more days". It felt like a never ending path. New babies would be born and leave NICU and we would stay behind. I felt bad about feeling bad as there were parents with babies born at 28 weeks and being in NICU for almost 3 months.
We had ups and downs. Getting our hopes up when they finished one bottle feed. They needed to finish all 8 feeds. They were only getting 40 ml milk 8 times a day. We sometimes sat for almost an hour for them to just finish that 40 ml. I felt I could pull the hair out of my head when the nurse told me: "Don't worry, They'll get there". But, in the end, they got there...
At last after 5 tiring weeks, the doctor said the twins can come home. I had to sleep in hospital for one night, and the following day, we could take them home! We were so excited, we didn't want to tell anyone. We wanted to surprise them,
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| Going home at last |
We loaded the twins in the car, struggling with the car seats. This is the moment that we have been waiting for for almost 6 weeks. We drove so slow, LOL...
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| Ouma Mills |
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| Oupa en Oumie |
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| Oom |
And so we were home.
The twins were in the cot that waited for them for 6 weeks. They were so small still, but, thank the Lord, they were home...
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